so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
