Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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