We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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