u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
