I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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