Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
