NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize