She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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