Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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