You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
