worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
