The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize