you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
