I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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