Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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