Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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