also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
