Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
