Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
