my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
