i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you didnt know i had herpes?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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