I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Im part way to drunk.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
