he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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