I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
