he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My cat gives me a boner
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
