dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
