He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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