Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize