I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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