Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were trust falling into bushes
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
