I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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