She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
