It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
