My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize