he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
