He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
