My Higher Power is John Stamos
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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