Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
