dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
