Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
