Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize