True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to make out with him forever
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
