Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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