That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
