Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
