She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
