I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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