Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
