Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
