I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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