the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
