i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
