Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
