I bet he comes in French.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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