I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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