opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
