He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
