wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
