A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
