I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
