And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
