my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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