that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
