really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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