So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
