i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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