need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
