I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
