I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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