I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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