My liver just broke up with me...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize