I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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