I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
