i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
