Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
