Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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