No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
