If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
