We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just had sex on a roof
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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