it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
