I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
