The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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