She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
