i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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