nut hugger
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
