Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
