i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
