I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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