Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
