hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
