He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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