and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
