Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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