Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
