"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
