Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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