Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
