i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
