I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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