guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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