4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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