I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
