When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
