Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
