He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
