Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
