Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
