does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
