well you can't waste a boner
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize