There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
