My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
