Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
