Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
