We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
