I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
