are you still at the devil's house?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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