just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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