i was rollin on her like bob the builder
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
