This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
