I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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