so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize