I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want her autograph on my taint
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
