My Higher Power is John Stamos
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
NoShamevember. You game?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
