She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
